Thoughts from a Satanic mind

An ending; a start.

2007-04-09T16:32:00.000+02:00

I have left the First Church of Satan. My beliefs have moved too far away from those of the FCoS, and even though it is an open group, I feel it is time to move on. I'm alone now, alone with my Father and the All. I will use this time wisely to learn about myself and the occult arts. Looking back, there's so much that has changed in me the last year. I think it's all for the better. A cat will always enjoy company, but does not need a pack; so is also the Satanist. Individualists, freethinkers, that's what we are. Just your common, friendly neighbour devil worshippers. On a more serious note, I think this is very valuable within the community.
We get to learn from each other.

To me, there's just one question. Where do I go now? I cannot tell the answer of that question. I don't know. As it seems today, I will remain one of those lone wolves prowling around in the night, howling at the moon. There are no other Satanists like me in my country that I know of; there aren't many of us in Europe at all. I'd have a quick guess at max. 500 (which I think sounds very unlikely).

I have thought about setting up a web resource about traditional Satanism in Norwegian. Perhaps I will, perhaps I won't. In the end it all boils down to "doin' what comes natur'ly", I think.

Sincerely,
Selene

Atheist - theist - huh?

2007-01-09T18:53:00.001+01:00

I had never thought the day would come in which I'd declare myself a traditional Satanist. Indeed, I thought I was just an oddball Satanist with a lot of influence from Taoism. Not so. Finally I see that what I didn't think of as a god, only knowing the traditional way of using this word, actually has a name. Panentheism.

According to Diane Vera's site at http://www.angelfire.com/ny5/dvera/, "pantheism is the belief
that the universe itself is God. A related view, panentheism, is the
belief that all things in the universe are part of God but God is more
than the sum of all things. In pantheistic or panentheistic Satanism,
Satan is seen as a name of "the All" or as a personification of some
cosmic principle. Two of the better-known groups in this category are
the First Church of Satan (FCoS) and OFS Demonolatry.
The FCoS is also somewhat LaVey-based, whereas OFS Demonolatry is not
at all LaVey-based. Pantheistic/panentheistic Satanism typically
includes a lot of traditional Western occult philosophy, e.g.
Hermetics. (Most occultists and most pantheists and panentheists,
though, are not Satanists.) OFS Demonolatry sees Satan
as "the All," whereas John Allee, founder of FCoS, sees Satan as one of
the many names of a cosmic "male principle," as part of a cosmic All
which contains both a "male principle" and a "female principle." Allee
does not personally identify with the label "theistic," but his belief
system does fit my own definition thereof."

Well, this sure as heck fits my own beliefs like a glove. Daymn.

It's been a long time since I posted here. In that time, I've set up another blog aswell, this time in Norwegian, a grimoire of sorts. I love it to death.

Why I'm writing this, I do not know. I was triggered by my statement in an earlier post that said I was an atheist. Guess I know better know. Later, I might write something more about this, but at the moment I'd say it's dinner time.

Sincerely,

~Selene

The Asshole Effect

2007-01-09T18:07:00.001+01:00

Anyone who has involved in a left-hand path for a while and has

incorporated it into his or her life will inevitably be called

an "asshole" by someone comfortably operating in a more mainstream

right-hand path. This is to be expected since someone on a left-hand

path would not be as concerned about what others think and would not

be ashamed to put his or her own needs above the needs of others when

necessary. In the altruistic nature of western culture, where often

we are expected to sacrifice our interests for that of others, words

such as "self-centeredness" and "selfishness" carry a negative

connotation. Sure selfishness can be a negative trait when taken

to extremes, but there is nothing wrong with acknowledging one's own

needs and desires even above those of others when reasonable.

In this clash of culture, the right-hand path, unable to accept

blatant focus on the self, misinterprets confidence as arrogance,

independence or pride as elitism; projecting their own inner selfish

vs. altruist conflict onto others. (We all have selfish motivations

whether or not we wish to accept them.)

But this is not the asshole effect.

The asshole effect is when individuals on a left-hand path get full

of themselves to the point that they think they are more than they

are; that their needs must always come first, regardless of what

reason may show. Such people assume that to be on the left-hand path

means to be an asshole, and since they do not care what others think,

they continue down this road of illusion, assuming that they have

mastered their path and themselves by the mere act of looking down on

others.

In reality they have fallen on the wayside. What they have begun to

foster is not their true self, but their illusion of what they think

they are. There is a reason why Satanists consider false pride

a "sin".

I find the analogy of a successful entrepreneur useful. Like someone

on the left-hand path, the entrepreneur can seem by many to be

cutthroat and selfish as he or she works his or her way to the top.

Some will take the extreme path and cheat or use others as pawns for

their own gain, not caring whose toes they step on in the process.

However, in doing so such a person makes a fatal mistake; To be

successful for the long term, one needs good networking contacts that

share information, provide good references, etc. Without these

contacts the road to success becomes burdensome and dangerous. Worse,

still, one needs to keep a constant vigil against all those who were

stepped on during the mad dash to the top. In short, a successful

entrepreneur, though confident, self-motivated and not afraid to

speak his or her mind, recognizes that the path to the top is a lot

easier and more stable when you earn support and build alliances

along the way. They can be quite harsh and cutthroat when needed, but

they balance it out with people skills (at least with people they

feel are worthy of the attention). Sure they still use people, but

those they use don't feel used and thus are more supportive.

Just as the right-hand path has its share of "fluff bunnies" and

fundamentalists who "just don't get it", the left-hand path has its

share of "assholes". These are the trappings of their respective

paths. In a left-hand path, where there is more emphasis on

individuality and less concern for what others think, it is easy to

loose perspective of our goals and slip into illusions of grander.

Perhaps after getting our ass kicked a few times we figure out that

the problem is not always with the rest of the world, but sadly many

more take this hostility as a sign they are on the right track.

Instead of seeking self-empowerment from within, they seek self-

empowerment by the reactions they get from others.

So to those that say "who cares?" every time they step on people's

toes, remember that when someone steps back harder or when you find

yourself alone when life randomly presents a snag in your plans.

Being in a left-hand path is not about being a prick, it's about

mastering the Self. Sure some may still think you are an asshole

either way, but pissing off a few people who don't understand and

pissing off everyone you encounter are very different things. The

first is inevitable; the other is just plain stupid.

by John J. Coughlin

Ancient deities in the modern world

2006-07-31T03:27:00.000+02:00

In some way or another, I believe that we all need someone or something to look up to, to set our own standards for what an ideal/ perfect/ whatever human being should be, what qualities are wished for. It might be anything - independence, a good sense of humour, the ability to recognize your own errors and to do something about it, for instance. Perhaps this is why there are so many people believing in a traditional religion today - most of them will tell you exactly what to do and how to think, dress, etc. Myself, I am an atheist and will remain one until the day I bite the grass (or, in more common terms, die). But still, gods and goddesses play a role in my life. Sounds hypocritical? I don't think so.

Every Satanist should make up their minds on what morals they feel are right for themselves, and what qualities they feel are important personality traits, a kind of standard on what their ideal human is, in a way. But it doesn't stop after the thinking; you have to employ these concepts in your everyday life. This is when some (including myself) find it a great support to have someone to look up to. This person (or persons) might be anyone, real or fictionary, man or deity. Many choose to look back, to the ancient mythologies with their pantheons. For myself, I have chosen four deities that I set my standards after. This does not mean I worship them in any way. It is rather like the relationship between a youngster who looks up to his elder brother, and learns from his good traits as well as from his mistakes. As for myself, I like to look up to the egyptian cat goddesses Bast and Sekhmet, the greek moon goddess Selene (didn't surprise you, did it? ;)) and, honoring my norwegian heritage, Loki. To me, these sum up pretty much all of my values and what I consider virtues - strength, independence, creativity, being your own master, being capable of love and emotions, loyality and honesty, and being true to your own nature.

Bast is known as the goddess with the cat head for many. She was the goddess of Lower Egypt, protector of women, children and cats, the Goddess of Sunrise, pleasure, love, fertility, birth, music and dance. In later times depicted as the peaceful, loving mother to the pharao, she was originally also a goddess of vengeance and war, and often confused with her twin, Sekhmet.

Sekhmet is, in a way, just as linked to her sister as the concept of the female force yin in asian philosophy is linked with the male force, yang. She is depicted with a lion head, and is mainly the goddess of divine retribution, vengeance, conquest and war, yet she was also a healer and mother, which is often overlooked. A wrathful deity, she is also the goddess of joy, music, sexual love, dance, birth and pregnancy. Nowadays, many regard her as the very image of the modern woman - she is looked upon as a source of strength, independence and assertiveness, and an icon of immanent female power.

Selene is the greek moon goddess, famous for her seductions. The legend tells that she fell in love with a shepherd, whom she seduced while asleep. Because she was so in love with him, she asked Zeus to let Endomynion (the shepherd) decide his own fate. Endomynion asked to never grow old and sleep eternally, a wish Zeus granted. Selene visited him every night after that, kissing her love.
Selene, to me, is the personification of both the moon and our own affectionate emotions; being a romantic, I have always believed in love. As Aleister Crowley said: "Love, love under Will". It takes strength and courage to love someone. Of course, I am not talking about loving everybody around you for no reason whatsoever, as the Christians (for instance) advocate, but love spent on those who really deserve it. She is gentle and caring, seemingly pure, but still a master in the art of seducing men. I have always been drawn to the moon and night time, which is the only time you can marvel at the beauty of the starry skies, and have always felt empowered by the moonlight, a calm serenity entering my mind and body which help me get a perspective on things.

Loki is commonly known as the Trickster. I have always loved this figure, from my early childhood when I was told the ancient tales of our old gods and goddesses. He is an independent figure with a great sense of humour. He is his own master - some might consider him evil, others merely a fool, but I admire him for the fact that whatever he does, he does what seems the best for his own good at the time. Alright, things do go wrong, but then he takes responsibility of his actions and helps clean up the mess. He even manages to laugh at himself! This is what I also strive to live up to in my everyday actions. In addition to "Do as you wilt shall be the whole of the law" and "Do unto others as you would have them to unto you", this is perhaps one of the greatest parts of my personal moral code. Live, laugh, mess up, fix it, laugh at it and get over it, having learned something from the experience.

Sincerely,
~Selene

Can't, won't, don't

2006-05-24T10:59:00.000+02:00

There is one thing I've never understood about people in general. I think it is strange. Perhaps they are taught to be modest, or don't talk ("brag") about their talents and accomplishments. But it is a fact that a lot of people I speak to think of themselves as "normal" or "nothing special" and talk about themselves in similar terms. Why? They almost seem to fear the potential of themselves and what they are. What they don't think about, is the effect of their words. If you say "I'm just an ordinary person", then you will only be an ordinary person because the individual you're talking to will not have any reason to object, at least if they don't really know you that well yet. Have you ever thought about the power of your mind, and the power of your words? A single word can change the world for someone. A commonplace combination of sounds can totally change a person's point of view on something - or someone. People have been told for years that they're unique, that there is not a single human being out there exactly like themselves. Still they degrade themselves this way, by their own free will, knowing exactly what they're saying. Is this a good way to use Lesser Magic? No, of course not. Lesser Magic is all about making yourself seem even more interesting than you already might seem, and how to employ these things to make yourself and the people you care about happy. Everyone strives at some point to "find themselves". What they're really doing is to hide their true selves, and learn to give up their childish innocence and curiousity. Children are natural magicians. How many times haven't you seen a child's eyes begging you to play with them, how many times haven't you just submitted to their wishes?

Whenever I hear someone deny their value and power, I always tell them to stop lying. Many don't realise they lie to themselves and to others in underestimating themselves. And the worst thing is that once you have spoken these words, they become true, because people's attitudes towards you will change to fit the description you have given them of yourself. Is this what you want?

To be treated like a normal (or worse) person, all you have to do is utter the words "I'm just a normal guy/ girl" or "I'm not that special, really" or similar things. To be treated like the human god you are, this special individual that has no exact copies, and who can, in fact, do whatever you want if you just put your mind and willpower to it, you don't say such things. Neither do you go around and tell people that you're special, because they will just think you're an arrogant egoist who don't deserve their attention. It is enough to expect being treated like you deserve, and most people will. It is that simple. I've given you a torch. Now, will you light the everlasting flames?

Yours sincerely,
~Selene

On animal sacrifice

2006-04-26T18:23:00.000+02:00

There are a lot of rumours about my faith. The number one story goes that we modern Satanists drink goats' blood and sacrifice animals during our rituals. I cannot speak for the traditional or theistic Satanists, but I can at least tell you that, talking about modern Satanism, that is a ridiculous myth if I ever saw one. Let me tell you about my own relationship with animals.

I grew up in a rural area of northwestern Germany. Opposite to our house, there was a small farm. Not a farm like those you have in the US, but a small, really old property, some of the houses so old it was a wonder the roof hadn't crashed onto the ground yet, and the stable separated from the farmhouse only by the kitchen door. There were two horses, a huge german dog, hens, a goose (Appolonia - I remember her, an evil- eyed little devil using every opportunity to bite people), half a dozen pigs and a rather big back yard with fruit trees, strawberries, vegetables and a small potatoe field. This farmer still did things the old way, every morning he put his horses in front of the cart to go to his fields. Sometimes, he allowed me to go with him. The farm was my playground, of sorts, and I was there every day. This gave me a deep respect and love for animals and every form of life. During this time we also bred canary birds. Later we moved to Norway. I had to sell the birds and say goodbye to the farm, but when we had settled in, my mother went and bought us another bird. This disappeared after a while, I cannot remember why, and for a long time there were no animals in our apartment. My mother married, and I suddenly found myself with a host of step- sisters. One of these bought a persian cat for herself. We loved it, and she decided to buy the brother of her own cat and give it to us as a present. I remember little baby Rafael, a little, white thing staring at me from under the living room table, looking rather confused and frightened. No wonder - a plane trip isn't your ordinary stroll to the park around the corner for a small kitten hardly 6 weeks old. Rafael is now six years old, and I know I couldn't live in this house without him. Actually, my mother got so into cats that she started breeding them. At times, we could have twelve cats in the house, adults and kittens. I have seen them become born, grow, and die. I love all animals with all my heart, and would never considering harming one, if not in self- defense. I am a vegetarian, and haven't eaten meat for two years, it might even be longer.

Now that you know that, I ask you: why the ruddy heck should I let a goat or any other lifeform suffer for the sake of my own religious practises? They haven't done anything to deserve that, neither have I the right to use violence upon any other creature that does not consent with it or provoke me in such a way that it would be justified. Actually, a living being is more useful to me when it is alive, rather than dead and unmoving. If you have ever held the limp and stiffening body of your beloved pet, in my case a wonderful white exotic (shorthaired) persian named Scarlett, and still remember it moving about just some hours ago, you know how I felt about it. I'd rather she'd still been alive than somewhere deep in the soil. The Satanic Bible explicitly states that you should harm no non- human animal, except in self- defence or for food or clothing.

Personally, I can't bear the thought of eating an ox cadaver, calling it "a delicious beef" or the body of some unfortunate chicken bred for that purpose only. Just the thought makes me cringe, nauseaously. I won't try to convert all the carnivores out there, you've got the right to indulge in whatever you desire for your diet, but - since man is just another animal - would you consider eating your recently deceased grandmother, who, per definition is also an animal, like you would eat recently deceased lamb or fish?

Anyway, I am digressing. In modern Satanism, animal sacrifice does not happen. Of course, there will always be dabblers who don't really understand what it is all about, or sick people, which can be found in any layer of society, but these are the exception rather than the norm. If you'd bother to read the basic set of rules and guidelines that Satanists live after, you'd see the ridicule of it all. You can find those floating around a lot of places on the Internet, but they're also in the Satanic Bible. Read for yourself, and you'll see what I'm talking about. Ignorance is certainly not bliss.

Yours sincerely,
~Selene

"Why aren't you a member of the CoS?"

2006-04-22T15:27:00.000+02:00

This is a question I get asked a lot, and now I feel it is time to state my opinions on this matter.

What first held me off was the fee you have to pay to become a member. I'd not pay any religious organization anything because it is demanded of me. Rather, I'm one of those who carefully considers whom I want to support and donate to. The Church of Satan seems to me like a big money machine, and, this will probably draw flamers over here, a fraud. Here's the Satanic Bible saying you don't have to join anything to become a Satanist, and these CoS people suddenly decide that if you're not a member of their organization you're not a Satanist at all, but a "bloody poseur" as somebody labeled me online without even getting to know me first. Then, they don't even keep to their own Bunco Sheet which labels other Satanic organizations as nothing better than angry christians or teens or something, and actually claim copyright for something (the baphomet) which is clearly public domain and used long before LaVey was persuaded by someone whose name I can't remember at the moment to turn his occult home studies group into a "Church of Satan". He didn't even found it the date he claimed to have. And, from what his family tells, the guy was a woman- beater, a charlatan and in general a bloody nuisance. Of course, I do not claim to know him, only drawing from my sources here, which are available online under "CoS analysis" (pdf eBook) and "LaVey: Legend and Reality". Go ahead, read for yourself.

What's struck me as ironic the last few weeks, thinking about the CoS, is that although they tell people that herd conformity and stupidity is a big no- no, they actually cultivate their own herd of - not sheep - goats. These people try to be so different from what the rest of society is, but still stick together like a frightened, but overly proud and "alien elite" flock of people who won't think for themselves (or perhaps are frightened to do so because that'd risk them being thrown out of their church?) The articles you find on the site of the Church of Satan are full of hate towards anyone not like themselves, even other Satanists, ignorance towards other belief systems (very much in accord to LaVey's own ignorance of the Eastern religions), arrogance and a general feel that tells me that this is sick, and nothing for me. I do not want to become a member of an organization that demands information about myself like what my sexual preferences are and other intimate questions, and I do not like organizations that lie their members in the face without even blinking, using their time instead to manipulate and confuse the masses. No, thank you.

Yes, I am rather sure there is much about the Church of Satan that I myself am ignorant of. I do not claim to know all about everything. And this is mainly just a personal text that states why I think the CoS is sickening. Most probably, this will be the most flamed blog entry ever written, but I could not care less. I claim no affiliations with the CoS, and do not want them, either!

Sincerely yours,
~Selene

Heaven and Hell

2006-04-15T12:03:00.000+02:00

Once upon a time, a man with a certain military bearing approached the Zen master Hakuin and asked: "Master, do Heaven and Hell actually exist?"

The master wanted to answer in the affirmative, but knew that this would give the man a false impression. In all likelihood the man operated under the mundane paradigm that Heaven and Hell exist as places for souls in the afterlife. The master knew what he must do to break through that false preconception.

"What is your occupation?" He asked.

"I'm a general." This explained the military bearing about him.

The master burst out laughing. "What idiot would ask you to command an army? You look more like a butcher to me!"

This enraged the general. With a roar he drew his sword. He could cut down this defenseless old man in an instant.

"Here lie the gates of Hell," said the master. These simple words stopped the powerful general dead in his tracks.

Realization flooded in. The general sudden understood that the master had risked his life in order to teach him a great truth in the most effective way imaginable.

"Forgive me, master, for what I was able to do." He felt all at once gratitude, amazement, and shame.
"Here lie the gates of Heaven," said the master.

(source: Taoism.net)

I am often asked if I ain't scared I will end up in Hell when talking to certain kinds of right- hand- pathers. I tell them I do not believe in Hell. I don't even believe in Heaven. Not in their sense. The story I have quoted above explains quite a lot. You might be startled to find a Taoist story in the blog of a Satanist. The reason for this is simply that I also have explored other paths openly, and for some time I did indeed believe I was a Taoist. I am not. But Taoism introduced me to the left- hand path, for which I am eternally grateful. And I still continue to draw on the knowledge I obtained the time I was there and talking to those who considered themselves Taoists. I still keep in touch with one of them, and when we talk, I always enjoy sharing his worldview.

There is no Heaven and no Hell. There is no afterlife, and no reincarnation. It isn't even sure there will be a tomorrow. How do you know that you are not going to die today? That leaves us only with the present, the here and now. You can make your present Hell or you can make it Heaven. This is what the concept is all about! You must do what you want with your life now. You have to do it now, and you have to do it yourself. There is not such a thing as Heaven or Hell, because they're one, and they're both in you. Everyone has a light side and a dark side. If you will allow these to join forces, I guarantee that you will see a world with possibilities you've never dreamed of before. It is the beauty of the dark night sky on a lonely hilltop where you can see the whole Milky Way. It is the beauty of seeing the sky turn grey as a few stars still linger just over the horizon, or a colourful sunset. Do you dare seeking for it in yourself? Few do.

Yours sincerely,
~Selene

The "S" word

2006-04-15T00:26:00.000+02:00

It is sometimes strange how long and hard some people will defend themselves against something as simple as a word. For a long time, I was lead to think that diverse "F", "C", "D" etc words were the worst you could ever utter in from of someone. Later, as I began studying Satanism, I started recieving hate mails, some of my Christian friends shunned me, and only because I had no hesitations when I talked about what I was reading (what they saw me reading). They were highly disturbed when I told them some time later that I considered myself a Satanist. I have never dared telling my relatives and close family what I am. It is not that I am ashamed - on the contrary! - it is my love for them that keeps me from it. And until this day, it has not been necessary. It hurt them enough, when I refused going to catholic masses with them.

But why is it, that once one affiliates him/ herself with such a religion as Satanism, that everyone suddenly tells you that they don't know you anymore, that they are... afraid of you and your beliefs? Does a person become different if, say, (s)he starts going to a new café or starts talking to the people that person has always kept away from? No, not really, even if it might seem so. A satanist is no more different than, say, a Taoist or a Wiccan - it might sound a little exotic, somewhat sinister, but that does not mean there will be any enormous personality changes going on. You don't become a bum or a suicidal if you start reading the Satanic Bible, neither will you suddenly start dressing strangely or start burning churches, tormenting people and animals or otherwise show criminal behaviour. All these things are, in fact, looked down upon by real, committed Satanists. Those people who have done such things, are not really Satanists, they are criminals and most probably, persons with very serious mental issues, and should be treated thereafter.

The only thing that really keeps these myths alive, is that people are ignorant. They have not been taught what is truth and what is fiction. In my country, every school has to have religions classes that everyone attends, from year 1 to 10, and after that things differ slightly from what direction you choose. And these seem to work. The only downside with it, is that everything is seen from a Christian perspective, there is never an objective view in the class material and books. I believe in education and fruitful discussion with people who are involved with a certain religion or movement. How else can someone find out what a group of people really believes if you won't talk with them? We will never come any way if we continue digging trenches and shoot at each other - talk is the only solution! There will always be those shallowminded persons who hide behind a netname and tell the "Heathens" that they will rot in Hell. Let's ignore them. Let the intelligent people who are courageous enough to expand their vistas come together and talk things over in a civilized and mature manner.

I would never attack a person of a different faith than myself, in fact, I would never attack anybody, because I believe in responsibility for the responsible. If someone threatens me or my beloved ones, I would strike hard and brutally, but only after making sure there is no other way. Do Satanists perhaps have a higher sense of morals and ethics than the common follower of Christ? Sometimes it certainly seems like it...

Sincerely yours,
~Selene

Statement of Intention and other Mumbo Jumbo

2006-04-14T23:52:00.000+02:00

I have created this site for my own purposes. I believe it will help me in my quest for personal development and evolution. I do not in any way claim affiliance with the Church of Satan, and would never do so, seeing what a money machine and close- minded organisation it has become. I am a member of the First Church of Satan, but do not consider my writings authorative in any way. As earlier mentioned, these are the musings of a private person, and remains just that - my own opinions, which I put online as much to put my own thoughts in order as to serve as something that might inspire others.

My views might be somewhat unusual, perhaps even controversial, and if you cannot accept and respect that, I ask you to leave, and be a close- minded sheep elsewhere. I have heard enough of extremist christians and others who tell me to turn from the "Devil" and find "Jesus" that it is starting to bore me. Don't bother, you're just going to make me laugh and look stupid on the Internet in front of quite a lot of people.

Other than that,
may your soul be illuminated and caressed by the gentle flames of Hell!

Yours sincerely,
~Selene